you could see the magic, in my hatful of stars... in my hatful of stars...
i felt like crying every minute today. it's so painful. so piercing. i miss hatful of stars like crazy, and on top of the i have to face the reality i have been avoiding all these while during the preparation. it's so oppressive. it's so painful to fight back the tears that keep wanting to flow. the reality is killing me. i find it so hard to believe, so hard to bear. and why must you keep talking about. everywhere i go, i hear it, people ask me. they talk about it. they tell me about it. how i wish someone could just accomodate me and not tell me how afraid they are, how badly they thought they did. please. let me off. it's hard enough to bear.
i don't need it badly. and i won't feel bad if i am given a chance. then i would know that it would have been my fault if i failed. no one else is to blame. but why?
escapism.
fighting back tears.
Together. 8:22 PM