Wednesday, April 30, 2008
i'm a grumpy old hag at home. my attitude worsened ever since i've moved on to sec school. got scolded like crap again by my mum in the morning. almost burst into tears but oh well luckily it was time to get out of the car so it was easier to stop. jo and steph asked me why my eyes were wet. ahaha, and of course my and my wonderful ability to lie. sigh, i know i'm wrong, and i swear i'm trying to change, but... it's really hard to. and it's really really really, not me to talk about school stuff. ask me to gossip about other things. to me i'm always escaping from reality. i escape from topics that make me feel sad and disappointed. and i don't like probing. i hate to repeat myself all over again and hearing the same things all the time. maybe it's just me, just me that i find no way in confiding in my _______. i feel super bad, especially these few weeks, my mood is like ___________. worse than worse. i can't open up to telling about what i'm doing in school, what it really is about, why the hell i'm doing it and how i'm coping. they're topics i like to escape. to me, haven't i been in school for tooo long? why can't i just get some time off talking about school stuff? i don't like recounting. to me, MOVE ON! i feel really bad, and i KNOW it's my fault. i'm well aware of that. i DO reflect all the time. i take in critism and i swear i know where i'm at fault. so i think i've just got to finish this rebellious stage of mine. RAWR. and i know i'm disappointing them, sometimes even making them worried. maybe it's my pride or whatever. maybe. LOL i think i've got a great big ego that doesn't surface.
ROAR. it feels so mean to take it out on them. it feels so bad to carry my stress home.guess i'm a just a different person. in comparison, i'm way way way off.
i'm not perfect, so please, give me time to change.
(ROAR i didn't want to post about sad things. but yes blogs are meant to be a medium where you can express your real feelings, isn't it?)
Together. 2:41 PM