GAH i feel troubled all over again. Everything's making me frustrated. irritated. troubled. worried. and i'm not sure if i'm just thinking too much again. it's making me feel insecure ALL OVER AGAIN. i'm not sure. i'm uncertain. i'm insecure. i hate being insecure. totally hate it. why must things always be so unsure for me. i never know what's giong to happen. things don't come to me smoothly. there's always something that comes in between which makes me feel very unsure of myself. very insecure. very uncertain. and in the end, i stop being true to myself. i stop even being myself. just to work towards what i want. it's unbearable, it's oppresive. and i hate myself for it. i can sense it. it sucks. it really does. but i can't help it. everyone says it's part and parcel of life. but is this what i must go through EVERYTIME? uncertainties? unsureness? it's terrible and i can't take it anymore.
stress has been building up on me. and i can hardly stand up straight anymore. i'm like losing TONS of weight and everyone says that my face looks sunken and that i'm a bag of bones. sigh.. with OM singapore, it's really crazy. and on top of that i've got HFOS II --production. sigh. my schedule's super super tight. there's still calligraphy. i'm supposed to write a piece to hand in but i just don't feel like it. ithink my interest is going downhill. hardly have a day to even sit down. and BREATHE. urgh. horrid.
guess i shan't describe how horrid i felt during cca today. shan't say. it ain't nice to hear and remember. but well just one sentence. If they just thought about their actions. it's not that we don't want to. it's that we're not able to bring ourselves to.
OM. sigh OM. it's really sad cos i sense the rapport degenarating. it ain't strong. i shan't say it. it's not nice to the ears. we are really losing our closeness. our bond. and of course our rapport. i mean rapport is soo impt and i think we're losing it. lack of communication etc. it's all showing. aren't we supposed to have fun?
BLOCK TESTS ended today. i went really crazy after math lah, was laughing like CRAPP. and i mean i felt super happy then. LOL. i'm supposed to be very happy now. but i don't feel it at all. urgh this is horrid.
maybe i'm just not meant to be one.
Together. 8:24 PM