Oh man if i don't blog i'll probably just burst out in tears or something again. I'm so troubled and i really don't know why. it's kinda stupid if you think about it but if you are in my situation, you would know how i feel. It's the feeling or unsureness. if there's such a word. something ireally can't describe. i can't get VERY happy anymore, until this problem is solved. is it so difficult to make a decision for myself? or should i just live my life out of other's decision for me? i don't know. you can say i'm stupid and paranoid for worrying so much but i think i'm troubled so much partly because i'm angry. i'm angry that there are such irresponsible teachers on Earth (if it's her fault) , i'm angry that i have to go for something THAT I NEVER WANTED TO GO. i'm angry that i'm being sabo-ed(but i don't exactly blame the pple too, they were just having fun?), i'm angry that i'm so indecisive of my own things, i'm angry that i actually crumble so easily at such things. WHY? it isn't good to be angry, of course, but i'm not even sure of my feelings now! i'm angry that they did it, but i don't exactly blame them either.

i just know that i would never want to miss my cca for something that i never chose to go. why should i miss the chance of a performance just for this stupid thing that i did not even want to participate in? yes, and i can't believe i _ _ _ _ _ in front of some of my friends today. well seriously, for one thing, i _ _ _ when i am REALLY ANGRY and really disappointed, or when i receive horrible marks or something. But nothing would drive me to _ _ _ in front of so many pple except when i am TERRIBLY angry at something, someone or about something. yes. i'm angry. really angry. someone just get the anger out of me. i'm so helpless. i crumble ever so easily. i never intended too. i just couldn't help it. i really was angry. i believe strongly that i have human rights so i always ending up doing so when i feel that i haven't gotten the right treatment from pple. hah thanks leting. and everyone else who was there. (: cheese muffin, nice huh? but i prefer my hello pandas :D:D

why do we have to go through all these?
we don't always have to put on a brave front do we?

Anyway, i would have died today if some good things didn't happen. well, for one thing, i know some pple would think i'm crazy, but i LOVE FPS. why? cos i love working with my group. <3333 i forgot about all my troubles while working on FPS today. and i was gravely serious when thinking and amending problems. at least i felt that i was of use. :D i was so focus on the task at hand that i couldn't believe it. i can't fail my group :) me love them sooo much :) nice people and great responsible working partners who always feel bad when they THINK they are of no use. ( but they always are) ahahhaa. i love them seriously! Sally, Huihan, Pauline, Yan Ni!! <33333 we shall do well for the time trial k? after FPS, i realised that i had totally forgotten about my troubles and then i had to remember them. but but... GUESS WHAT?

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WE GOT INTO THE TEACHERS' DAY PERFORMANCE! omg. we were the only sec ones, BELIEVE IT? leting! our hardwork paid off! :D we got through it! and we managed to get the class to enjoy the item! :) you wouldn't be able to guess how happy i was when i heard marilyn and the rest shouting so ecstatically at the news! people who used to grumble about being hungry are now loving and WANTING to perform the item! OMG. at lunch i was practically looking for leting everywhere i could in the canteen. then i spotted her. ahahahha. we hugged. TOO HAPPY. just too happy. a sense of accomplishment aye leting? <333 oh man. the first person i wanted to tell was leting when i found out. aw. how much blood and sweat did we put in? that sounds like the literal translation from chinese. :) 我们的心血

so after school me eva and josephine stayed backed to do home econs. yay! we are going to cook cook COOK! yipee. sounds good, SOUNDS i repeat. may not TURN OUT good. ahahhaha but anyway they were nice encouraging me about the stupid author thingy. damn that thingy. why must it spoil my mood? why must it restrict me from being extra happy about the teacher's day thing?

but then again, it's all for me to control.
letting go...

Together. 6:23 PM

CLOCK! ;